Moving On

I remember how two years ago I would have lit up like a Christmas tree to get that text message from you. The bells would have started ringing, the music would have swelled and the heavenly choirs would start singing.

Don't get me wrong, I do like talking to you. The difference is I know that there won't be anything there anymore. I'm such a different person and I know you must have changed too, but I can't go back to that bright-eyed, innocent little high school girl who believed you when you said that you would love her forever, even though forever ended much too soon. I believed you through fights, heartbreaks and so many times when you promised me that we would be together only to discover that you were already talking to someone else.

I kept this hope of us being together alive for three years. Three long years where I basically decided that no one else was worth my time. What's the use in dating someone else when me and you were eventualy goign to be together after you grew up and realized that I was always there for you? I could kick myself now. I probably threw so many opportunities to the side because of you that I can't even bleieve it. I know that I would start getting interested in someone but as soon as you called or texted me, they were like nothing to me.

I can't do this anymore. I have to find something that's real, that's lasting, that works. I need to make myself happy without relying on you to eventually call me or text me. I can't spend my days constantly glancing at my phone to see if you want to talk to me. I'm moving on.

Activity

So lately I haven't really posted or written anything at all other than what I need to write for school. I know it's no excuse but my life has gotten so hectic lately. I'm trying to finish my degree in four years, while simultaneously working approximately 20 hours a week. I was driving myself crazy with stress until I realized, "Wait. This is my life. Why am I running toward this future goal without paying attention to what's happening around me right now? Do I want to look back and realize that I blindly rushed onward without appreciating those little moments?" Don't get me wrong, I try to make sure that I keep on top of all of my work and get everything done, but if it gets put off for a few hours, what's the harm?
That's part of the reason I decided to start writing again. Writing always gives me such enjoyment and I can relay my thoughts and feelings just to clean everything up and think things through or I can create these fantastic stories or moments that have nothing to do with my life, yet everything to do with it. I may post things that have nothing to do with my life at all, yet the process of writing and mentally living through it helps change me as a person and as a writer.
These are my selfish 20's and it's time to focus on me.