Finally

I am a senior now. Those are five short words, yet they hold so much meaning within them. When you're in elementary and middle school you never really think about graduation that much; it's too far in the future and at that point your mind just isn't on something that's years away from happening.  Then, you actually enter high school.  Freshman year goes by pretty easily; there's a few changes from middle school to high school life but nothing that major.  Graduation still seems like a lifetime away and it's really not at the front of your mind.  As sophomore year gets underway, more work is being piled on you.  You have tougher classes and a few more tests.  Between the PSAT, the Writing Test, and various other EOCs, you're stressed enough without thinking about the life-changing milestone that lies in wait for you in only a couple of years.  Junior year brings with it a variety of new experiences: the SAT, prom, getting your class ring, and actually thinking about where you might want to go to school.  You feel a sense of panic start bubbling up, but you can easily repress it.  Summer vacation isn't that far away and you can relax and let your mind wander where it may.  Then, you get the notice in the mail. Senior pictures. As you're taking your drape picture, the reality actually begins to sink in. I'm graduating this year; there will be no more rushed conversations in the hallways, no scramble to get everyone to sign your yearbook in the last few weeks of school, no debate about where to sit for lunch. All of these things that seem so crucial right now will soon become bittersweet memories. Suddenly, you realize I'm about to leave behind everything I've ever known and venture out into the real world. I'm about to take a path that many others have walked, yet it is brand-new to me. The thought is so scary. It's been there before you now for four years. You've watched older brothers, sisters, cousins and friends walk across that stage and receive that sheet of paper that has the power to end one part of their lives and open up the door for something brand-new. You've known this day was coming, yet you shut your eyes to it. Every beginning has an end; and this end will be particularly bittersweet. You are no longer a child, you are now an adult. You will go out into the world and become the person you were mean to be. Are you ready?

Teenage Love & Heartbreak

It's so tough being a teenager; especially when love is involved.  Feelings and emotions will change suddenly, at the drop of a hat.  You can put your all into something, and the other person just all of a sudden says, "I don't feel the same anymore." It hurts when you put yourself out there, without any restraint, just to be crushed in the end.  Love isn't what hurts though. Heartbreak is the thing that hurts; love makes you feel better again.  True love doesn't change and doesn't fade away.  When you tell someone that you love them, you can't keep changing your mind as to whether you do or do not care for them.  If it's true love, you will not be confused as to how you feel. When someone hurts you and breaks your heart, you want your feelings for that person to completely disappear...but of course love doesn't work like that.  You're torn into pieces because they've hurt you so bad; yet you still love them and want to be with them.  It doesn't help matters when they keep telling you that they are still in love with you.  Your head and heart start fighting against each other; your head is saying that this person hurt you before so what is to stop them from hurting you again, yet your heart is brimming over with emotions and love for this person.  They were such a major part of your life and you feel that everything will be better again if they became part of your life again.  The thing is, you have to think your decision through with both your head and your heart. You have to be happy with yourself and your decision; your decision could make you get your heart broken again but you can't avoid heartbreak all your life. 

Conflicted

It's so hard to know what to feel. Your heart is telling you one thing, but your head keeps screaming another. Maybe that's how everyone feels or maybe it's just me. I really don't know but I'm lost.  I want to believe you and I want to always be happy but I'm not always happy.  Is it always supposed to be this complicated? Since it is complicated, is it wrong? I really have no idea anymore.  When we're together, everything is so simple and easy and effortless.  Why can't it be like that all the time? It just really upsets me when you hardly text me or anything at all. That may seem stupid or childish but it's the truth. I can't hide what I feel and though I can't quite explain why I feel the way I do, the feelings are definitely there.  Maybe we just need to talk and I mean really talk. Because, I feel lost and so confused. I'm hoping everything will work out because you are such a part of me now. It hasn't been that long, but we've gotten so close so quickly and I know it will tear me apart inside if something happens and I lose you.

Good-Bye

Every beginning has an end. Whenever you start something new, somewhere in the back of your mind, you always know that it has to come to an end at some point.  Just like high school. When you're a freshman, you think that those four years are going to drag by and take forever to pass. Then, as you become a sophomore, you're always thinking, "Two more years!" Time seems to pass by quicker and quicker.  What you were once so eager for seems scarily near.  When you're young, you wish your days away.  You can't wait for this day or that month.  The older you get though, the slower you want time to pass.  The days slip away like quicksand.  The tighter you try to hold on to them, the faster they slip away.  You have to live each day as if it would be your last.  Don't worry about what happened in the past because it has ended.  It's gone and can never be changed.  Don't worry about the future because it hasn't happened yet and is always liable to be changed. You are not guaranteed tomorrow and future events are not set in stone.  Live for today and realize that many times in life, you are going to have to say good-bye.