You Let Go

What do you expect me to say? Do you expect me to forget everything that happened?

Well let's get one thing straight: I'm not that girl anymore.

You said it yourself: I've changed, and it's true. I can't allow people into my life who consistently, time after time, hurt me. You've changed too. You're not a person that I could see myself hanging out with and truly being myself around. I can't let you back into my life because I'm cultivating a new life that will make me happy. I"m surrounding myself with people that make me happy and who love me for me. They know that I'm not perfect and that my flaws are numerous. Guess what? They still love me anyway.
I have a best friend who knows me better than I even know myself. I can't lie to her or hide things from her because she always figures them out. I have a few new friends that are becoming my closest friends. They make me laugh even if all I want to do is cry.

Do you understand now? I can't let myself fall back into that spiral of drama and heartache and tears. I'm figuring out who I am, and I really like this person. Last time I checked, you didn't.

Just remember that if you start to miss me, you were the one who let me go.

Goodbye 2012

Two thousand and twelve. 

I learned so much throughout this year, and most of it wasn't in the classroom. 

~I found out who my true friends are, not because of the fun I have with them, but the way that they were there for me in a way that no one else ever had been. Friendship is one of the dearest things that you could ever have, and if you have a true friend, don't let them go. I've found someone that I'm almost positive will always be a part of my life, in one way or another. 

~Some things aren't meant to be. You can love someone with all of your heart, but that won't guarantee that the person will love you back. Some relationships just aren't meant to be and will only hurt you if you cling to them. Discovering that and taking the actions to cut that diseased relationship off was one of the hardest things that I did in 2012 but it was one of the best things for me and helped me find out who I'm supposed to be.

~Following the path that is right for you and doing what makes your heart happy is the only thing that matters. You can't live according to other people's rules, because while they will be pleased, you will never be happy or satisfied. This is why "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked has become one of my favorite songs. In it, Elphaba (The Wicked Witch of the West) is saying that she's having to trust her instincts because she has changed and cannot follow the rules of someone else's game, and she isn't accepting limits anymore. One part of this song relates back to what I said earlier: "Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well if that's love it comes at much too high a cost!" 

~Sometimes you just have to let things go. You might never forget what happened but you can't dwell on it and let it ruin your future. 

To me, a new year has always signified a fresh start, 365 clean pages added to my book. I think Gossip Girl said it best: "The New Year isn't about what's happened. It's about what's to come."