Baring My Soul

This is more of a self-healing blog entry that I did for my own good than anything else...but who knows, you might learn more about how my mind works. Let me start by saying I'm completely messed up on the inside. I've let my past affect my present so many times that it's ridiculous. My main problem is that I over-think and over-analyze absolutely everything. I have let people use and manipulate me, with my consent. I know that sounds like a really stupid thing, and I should have just said no or something like that. The thing is, though, when you let someone have your heart, even if you know they're going to hurt you, you can't just say no and walk away. Enough about my sinking ship of a love life, however. My main problem where over-thinking and over-analyzing affects me is in my friendships. I won't lie...I haven't always made the best choices when it comes to my closest friends. I trusted people that I probably shouldn't have, and if I could redo things, I might not have gotten as close to them again. Those people really screwed up my opinion of friends and made me believe that best friends were just a fairy tale. Whenever anything happens, I always over-think things and think the worst, because that's what my past experience has taught me: people will screw you over and you will never keep a best friend for forever. I'm trying so hard to work through this, but it's horribly difficult. It's worse when I'm alone for extended periods of time, like this summer for instance. Thinking like this is ridiculous and uncalled for, but it's part of who I am, albeit a part I'm trying to change. Slowly, I'm changing...but it's going to take a while.