Discovering Truths

I'm not that girl anymore. The one who was always so scared and got so nervous and worked up over every little thing. The one who was so scared of losing the people she cared about the most. The one who didn't realize that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. She never understood what true friendship really was. I've realized that life is life and shit happens. The people who left me? They weren't good enough for me. They hurt me or lied to me. The people I walked away from? I realized that they were only bringing me down and weren't truly interested in who I was becoming. I was changing and finding out who I truly am; honestly, that scared them. They needed the scared, nervous, lonely little girl who put up with so much crap just because she was scared of being lonely. Without them, I'm flying. 

I over-thought and over-analyzed every little conversation, gesture, and silence. That is possibly the most destructive thing you could ever do to yourself. Other people don't get a chance to hurt you because you've already cut yourself to the core. Don't do it. I know the urge is really strong at times, but you don't know everything. Don't inflict those scars on yourself. You have to learn to love yourself and realize that the right people will love you too. If they don't and if they leave you or hurt you, then clearly they are not the right people and you honestly don't need them. It took me nineteen long years to come to that conclusion. I cried so many tears and beat myself up so badly. Why couldn't I keep friends? Well, duh Kristen. They weren't the right ones. 

Don't take this the wrong way. My life is far from perfect. Or maybe it's my kind of perfect. Right now, I'm pretty damn happy, and I honestly can't imagine things being any different than they are. I took a rough and rocky road to get to this place, but the scars and bruises were well-worth this view.